i'm not usain bolt

• Last week I had the coolest conversation with Ms. Claudette (a preschool teacher at Robin’s Nest Preschool). This lady has never spoken a word to me, but out of the blue as I was bringing some tools down to the preschool she suddenly started talking about King David — how messed up and unqualified he was, yet how God used him in mighty ways and called him a man after God’s own heart. She shared how our own lives oftentimes feel like complete messes, or that we are far from the kind of workers Jesus would want but how, just like King David, God can use our mess and our brokenness. It was sorta just what I needed, so I thought that was pretty awesome.

• My midterms are done. I’m taking three online classes to finish out my sophomore year and it is not fun at all. It feels like I’m jumping through a bunch of hoops. But midterms are done, so that’s mildly chill.

• The boys and I ran down to the river for an evening swim. Sometimes you just need a shirtless walk through the jungle with the boys — just saying. You’ll understand when you’re a man.

• Easter Sunday was cool. There were a a lot of people in the little entry-way where we have church (a big week-long team was here). So worship was loud and energetic, which is something that I wish you all could hear. It is pretty cool hearing thirty-plus little voices screaming, 

• Finally, I got a lot of encouragement through social media and email these past couple weeks. Many of these people probably didn’t know it, but, God used the little messages, verses, and your hearts to bless me. I am usually the guy using social media for jokes or sport, and oftentimes dismiss it as a non-personal and fabricated waste of my time. However, God definitely used it and more importantly, you guys, to bring light and a smile to my life these past few weeks. Thanks. 

This past week I was blessed to have a short time with my family. They were able to meet me down in Florida for their Spring Break. I still don’t have my work visa yet, so I had to leave Jamaica briefly, making this timeframe work well with my exit and re-entry. Both grandparents are also down in Florida for the winter, so we had a wonderful and relaxing time together. In the end, it felt too short, and to be honest, I long for the irreplaceable connection and laughter that my family shares. I don’t want to leave that. I can go without the showers, the "American" food, or the constant internet connection. Those things are all cool and stuff, but more than anything, I miss my family. Being around them makes me realize what a blessing and joy they are.

Frankly, if faced with the choice right now, I would seriously debate not stepping on flight 833 to Jamaica. I would love to stay home, hang around and laugh with my brothers, joke with Maddie, punch Nate (brotherly style), watch their basketball games, embarrass them, listen to hot new jams together, basically just live life with them again. I’m not really feeling super stoked about not being a part of their lives for most of 2016. I’m like twenty years old, and that typically means it’s time to start “moving on to big-adult-style things”  - things like serious relationships, apartments, long-term jobs, etc. In a couple more years, hanging out with my siblings may not be quite the same, as we all progress further onto God’s paths for each of our lives. Maybe I’m being a little pessimistic, but sometimes this is a part of life.

At the heart of it all, I’m terrified at the thought of losing the closeness with my family. I’m terrified of watching a year go by from the outside — looking in on their lives. I hate the thought of me becoming, “that other brother,” who isn’t really connected or attached to my sibling’s daily lives. 

Sometimes it isn’t easy to be obedient to what God is asking you to do. Sometimes it hurts, seems to be the wrong direction and counter-intuitive. Sometimes He asks you give up something that is very dear to you, to trust that He has far better things in store. So for now, I’m trusting His timing and His plan to have me here in Jamaica. I believe that He has called me to be here for 2016 and live with these awesome Robin’s Nest kids. That means being far away from my family, whom I love. But I’m trusting Jesus and seeking to be obedient in every area of my life. Pray for me and for my family this week — and thanks for reading.

Just last week, I was reading through 1st Corinthians and I found myself in chapter  eleven. The second part of this chapter talks about the Lord’s Supper — directions, warnings, and a blueprint for how to partake of the table of the Lord. Let me start off by saying, this past week I had found myself in a state of doubt, worry, and disquiet. No, you know what, scratch that sentence, I think its safe to say that I have felt that way a bit too often in my life. Whether I am looking forward into a work week, to a school deadline, further into my future, or at life decisions, and various paths, I have rarely felt true peace that surpasses all understanding. Or if I do, most of the time it seems fleeting. Maybe I sound like a broken record at this point, but I am starting to realize that I lower my head and fix my eyes on myself all too easily, instead of gazing at the Author and Perfecter of my faith. When I spend my week fretting over trivial little things such as worrying about my schedule, stressing about the Jake’s House Bible Study, being agitated over which worship songs are right for next Sunday, I miss the bigger picture of why I am here at all. Reading the passage in Corinthians opened my eyes to the fact that there is a bigger storyline then my current week. And I hadn’t really sat down and thought about that in awhile. 

Ephesians 2:11-13 describes that bigger storyline when the writer says, 

Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (that done in the body by the hands of men) — remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

What words can follow that? What words can do this justice? My first response is simply to sit and be utterly amazed. That totally puts everything into perspective. All my little worries, troubles, hardships, and pain, are swept away in the truth of this passage. All that is left to do is wonder and praise Jesus! I love the way the last sentence starts, “But now…”  I am so, so glad that those words are in the Bible. Without them, this passage would read an entirely different way. But now in Christ Jesus we who were so far, far away have been brought so near through his blood and sacrifice! Look, Ephesians chapter two is so beautiful. I highly suggest you read it right now. If you need to switch apps or take a quick break to go read it, do it. I’m currently working on memorizing the chapter because I think it is so powerful. 

Reading this passage on the same day as 1st Corinthians 11 brought out some common threads which I may have simply jumped over if it were not for God’s timing. Ephesians says that we are brought near through the blood of Christ and essentially what part of 1st Corinthians 11 is talking about is the Lord’s Supper — the body and blood of Jesus Christ broken for us. At this point, I had been months without Communion. If I’m honest, there has never been a time while I was at home in the States when I have truly missed Communion. Maybe I’ve missed worship, longed for some solid preaching, or was hungry for fellowship with good friends, but missing The Lord’s Supper just seemed a little odd. But reading 1st Corinthians 11 made me realize just how much I did miss breaking the bread and drinking from the cup. 

So me and the other Interns had the Lord’s Supper. We gathered together, I shared some of what God was showing me through those passages, and we took time to break the bread and drink from the cup in remembrance, not of us or our lives, but of Him. We sang, we prayed, and it was honestly amazing. All of us aren’t from one denomination — we’re from different backgrounds, walks, and lives. Yet under Christ, the Jew and the Gentile can gather and celebrate in remembrance of what He did. I can’t exactly speak for the others present, but for myself, this time together was moving and beautiful. I believe there is some vulnerability in sincerity. And for all these believers to gather together to remember what Jesus did was absolutely awesome. Taking my eyes off of myself and everything centered on me, I was able to simply rejoice in Jesus' sacrifice. 

For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

1 Corinthians 11:23-26

I’m going to say something a little crazy. Maybe stop searching so hard for peace, or joy, or whatever you are searching for, and instead, sit at His feet. Meet with some true friends, share His Supper, praise Him, and spend some time in awe of what Jesus did to bring you near.