I think it's been four or five days since I sat with Raym his bed, the bottom of the bunk bed, with my head scrunched against the top mattress. It was like eight thirty something — a few minutes past bed time. But we were talking, so it was kinda okay. 

We were talking about stuff. Well, I guess more specifically, we were talking about material possessions “stuff.” Me, a twenty year old dude with no clue where life is headed, and Raymian, a skinny ten year old boy who is trying to learn how to read. Neither of us are scholars. We’re both pretty simple guys if we’re honest. But we were talking about our dream houses or owning dirt bikes and which sort of dogs we’d like to own someday. Then Kyran, from the top bunk, chimed in and began telling me about his dream to own a house with ten bedrooms and ten bathrooms with ten iPads and ten kitchens. 

But he didn’t stop there.

He continued by saying how when he would see a “mad man” (homeless, shirtless, hungry, muttering men who  live on the streets of Jamaica) or a kid with a ripped shirt, he would pick them up in his BMW and drive them to his house where he would give them their own room and their own stuff. 

I play the “imagine the coolest thing you can” game more than I’d care to admit. I even play that game alone sometimes. It’s a little sad. But for all the time I spend daydreaming about having more stuff, I have never began imagining the coolest house purely so that I can fill it with homeless people or drug addicts. I mean ever. I can honestly tell you I have never thought that. 

But Kyran has. 

How big is this boy’s heart? How did you make a heart that big, God? For a boy whose version of a family is life in a children’s home with a bunch of other boys. 

I said, “You know what Kyran? I think that would make Jesus smile very, very big.”

Then Raymian jumped back in. He asked, “What if when I grow up, I buy a big, big house and then give it to a mad man?” 

A couple days ago I was reading the gospels and a passage immediately came to mind.

“Raymian, I was just reading a chapter where Jesus talked about that! Let me come back and read it to you when I find it tomorrow!” 

“Okay.” 

. . .

I think it's been four or five days since Raymian and I had that talk about “stuff.” 

Dang it. Why has it taken me that long to come back to him and talk about this. 

The boys are in their beds, some already asleep. 

I’m walking by their room and I say, “Goodnight boys.” 

“Jake! Jake! Wait, wait!” 

It’s Raymian. 

The fact that he remembered and had more thoughts about our talk four nights ago is crazy. 
*two octaves up* What, what, Jesus.


I don't really know why Jesus chose today. Honestly I kinda didn't like today a lot. Jesus could have had Raymian ask any other night, but for some reason it was tonight and I'm thankful. 


Anyways.

I’m sitting on Raymian’s bed with my head scrunched against the top bunk again. 

I’ve got my phone out, swiping through Matthew 19. 

Then Peter said in reply, “See, we have left everything and followed you. When then will we have?”

Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelves tribes of Israel. 

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

I let Raymian read the last verse. 

“But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” 

“What does that mean?”

“It means that the losers, the people everyone thought were stupid for taking Jesus so seriously, the ones who gave up everything they had for him, they are the ones who will be rewarded, will be with Jesus.”

“What is a hundredfold?”

“It’s this guy’s version of more than we can imagine. It’s such a great, great reward that we can’t picture it in our brains.” 

A little silence for us both to think. 

“So if I give up my house to care for the mad men and the guys asking for money, Jesus likes that?” 

“Yes, Jesus loves that.” 

The more we give up, the more we find in Jesus. Oxymorons or paradoxes are cute on paper, but aren’t so easy in real life. However, listening to these boy’s hearts, especially tonight, reminds me just how priceless Jesus is. He’s worth anything and He’s worth everything. 

I’m not really that good at my job here. I get kinda hyped up by others, (mostly my mom) but I’m admittedly unqualified, broken, and far from the good that the boys deserve. I'd love to be able to make myself look better, but the truth is the past month, I have suuuuuuucked. I get really weary, I don’t know all the answers to all the boy’s questions, and I am oftentimes not the best role model. Recently, I have fallen so short on a daily basis for them. I don’t show up, I’m not there for them sometimes, and I let my own troubles or struggles get in the way of loving them. I mean, I literally just told you it's been four or five nights since I've sat with Raymian. 

But Jesus is very good at his job. He’s the best at it. He’s doing things in Raymian’s heart or Kyran’s heart that I could never do. He’s putting passages in my clueless lap that speak directly to what these boys are thinking about. He’s self-sufficiently and perfectly providing exactly what they need as they need it. And He has let me be a part of that. That is utterly humbling. I don’t deserve that. 

It gives me a little bit of peace tonight knowing that Jesus is good at His job and that regardless of anything I could ever do or where I go, He will continue to do what He does best.