i'm not usain bolt: September 2016

The Last Day of Summer

I’m sitting here pretending that summers not over.

I’m listening to an EP called “kinda,” forcing myself to drink some cold brew coffee that turned out so bad, wearing no shirt even though I’m slightly cold, and realizing that tomorrow morning at 4am, I’ll be rolling out of bed with some very sleepy boys preparing for their first day of their school year. That’s right, hipster girls, get in line.

I think I’ve always been very wrapped up in the “idea” of summer. Even as I type the word, a collage of bonfires, stars, beaches, bikes, bridge jumps, and pee-wee baseball games flash through my mind. Or, if you are into country music, “barefoot blue jean nights in my truck and yeehaws.”

But anyways.

“The last day of summer,” is a very loaded phrase.

If you would have told me last summer that in a year I’d be in Jamaica doing what I am, I probably would have laughed at you. At this point last year, I was headed into another year of college and my eyes were only on myself. My grades, my classes, how to impress my teachers, how to not be a nerd, how to balance my “crazy schedule.” Now my life is so flipped — it’s all centered around these kids and their lives. How in the world God got me here is beyond my understanding. But I’m so thankful that He did.

For no real reason at all, I’m gunna try and recap this summer for you guys. This summer has honestly been different from any other, for obvious reasons perhaps, but still.

In June, I was able to share this amazing place with two very close friends from back home. Through crazy circumstances and God’s hand at work, these guys got to spend two months of their summers here at the Nest serving and loving the kids. But they also challenged and poured into me while they were at it. I was so encouraged and blessed in having them here.

A lot of cool teams with cool people have also come through and blessed this place. But now, it’s finally settling down. It’s just a little more quiet and there’s a little more time with the kids to yourself. It’s different, but it’s also still good. As a self-professed introvert, (except when I’m with the ladies, wink wink amirite?) I think I was a little ready for this season.

This summer has been filled with ups and downs — both in my own faith and in happenings at the Nest.

There have been bonfires and soccer matches.

Rainy days and pancake days.

Late nights wrestling in the pool and late nights wrestling with self.

Learning to drive the truck and learning how to build things.

Watching Stranger Things on Netflix and taking stupid online summer classes.

Staring at babies and being bewildered by how strange and cool they are.

Observing the boys drill 38 screws into one board for no reason.

Drinking Gatorade with Glaston and listening to him talk about his plan to own an ice cream truck.

Watching new kids come to the Nest and old ones leave.

Playing worship on Sundays and it sucking sometimes.

Blinking my eyes and seeing each kid grow up and work their way just a bit deeper into my heart every day.

How the heck am I going to leave here God?

School starts in the morning, and I’d like to ask you guys to please be praying for the kids. Tomorrow brings even more change than usual — many of our kids are headed to new schools in town for their first time. One special boy in particular is about to enter his first year as a high schooler, without any of his friends from the Nest.

To say I’m worried about him is a massive understatement. He’s going to be on his own in an environment that is very different from life here at the Nest. He’s going to come in contact with boys who are going to want him to do things he knows are wrong. Perhaps people will tell him he isn’t smart or he isn’t cool or that he doesn’t matter. Maybe someone will steal from him. Maybe someone will hurt him. Maybe he’ll struggle in class. Maybe he’ll be lonely.

I’ve never been a parent, but for the first time in my life, I can semi-relate with my mom and dad. “Letting go” is very lame and frankly, sucks. I want to make sure Jerome is safe and that he isn’t going to be hurt. I want to guarantee that he will make it through, that he will be fine.

But it's not just him. I want to know that all 38 kids at the Nest are going to be alright. I want to hold onto each one of them and walk each step of life with them to ensure that nothing bad ever happens to them.

But I can’t. And I hate it.

As the school year starts, with all it’s changes, I am again reminded, as I have been so many times this summer, that these kids aren’t mine. They are Jesus’. HE is holding them, HE is watching over them, HE is fiercely loving them far, far better than I ever could.

So keep praying to that Jesus guy. Pray that He keeps holding these children very, very close as they go off into the world.